For today's post I need for you to do something for me. Please put all of your books under your desk and take out a number two pencil. Does that last statement simultaneously take you back to high school and strike fear in your heart? Pop quizzes were never my favorite but if you're a cyclist I'm thinking that you'll like this quiz. Most cyclists have adopted a vocabulary which allows them to communicate efficiently with other cyclists and baffle eavesdroppers all at the same time. They do this by using strange terms related to their beloved sport which are familiar to other cyclists but mean absolutely nothing to others. So today I've got a quiz to test your cycling speech impediment. Feel free to take your time but please do not look on your neighbors computer during the test. That would be cheating! Ready Begin.
1. Granny Gear
a. Clothes that compliment hair which has a blue tint.
b. The third cog on a front chain ring.
c. A designer cycling clothing line designed for the active retired women.
a. A valve stem designed to fit a narrow wheel.
b. Brand name for bottled spaghetti sauce.
c. A shirt that has recently been ironed.
d. An Italian term meaning to race like your hair is on fire coined by Mario Cipollini.
3. Lactate Threshold
a. The amount of Chocolate milk a cyclist can drink after a tough ride without throwing up.
b. The point at which lactic acid starts to accumulate in the blood stream.
c. The proximity a cyclist can maintain to a cow without being chased.
4. Bonk (American Version)
a. The act of running into another cyclist while gawking at their bike.
b. A condition where depletion of glycogen stores results in sudden and severe fatigue.
c. The sound made by a cyclist falling over while stopped at an intersection and still connected to both pedals.
a. The number of revolutions of the crankset per minute.
b. A chant sung by cyclists while riding together in a paceline.
c. The invisible zipper found in most cycling jerseys.
a. The name of a famous cycling clown who frequents mountain stages in the Tour de France.
b. The act of getting a bug out of your eye at high speeds.
c. A small red flashing light attached to the back of a bike to attract the attention of passing cars.
a. A Dutch term which means to ride in rain storms of biblical proportions.
b. Nickname of cycling and hand talking legend Bob Roll
c. A person who has the latest cycling gear but no cycling skills.
a. A pedal which connects to a cleat on the sole of a shoe thus holding the shoe firmly to the pedal.
b. The act of wearing a bike helmet without buckling the chin strap.
c. A cyclist with long hair not put into a pony tail
a. The maximum amount of money a cyclist is able to spend on cycling equipment without the threat of divorce.
b. The number of days a cyclist can ride in a row without doing yard work.
c. The maximum capacity of an cyclist to transport and utilize oxygen during intense exercise.
10. Chamois Cream
a. A cream used by cyclists to reduce friction in sensitive areas.
b. A favorite cream used to top lattes after a tough ride.
c. Hair gel worn by many flamboyant cyclists.
OK, please put your number 2 pencils down. This test will be self scored so you're on the cyclists honor system. If there is such a thing.
1. B, 2. A, 3. B, 4. A, 5. A, 6. C, 7. B, 8. A, 9. C, 10. A
Here's the grading scale
10 - 9 correct, Excellent work, you've earned yourself an extra ride this week.
8 - 7 correct, You're getting there, spend a couple of hours at your local bike shop to sharpen your skills this week.
6 and below, if you own a bike please return it to the nearest bike shop immediately.
Thanks for taking the quiz. Feel free to report your score in the comments section and forward this test to fellow cyclists to test their knowledge.