Dating My Daughter Application

This week my daughter turns 16 which in our family means she can start dating. She already has a date lined up for her birthday. To say the least this makes me a little nervous. To help with this dating process LizzyLou forwarded me the following application. I think it's a great idea but in my opinion it could be a worded a little stronger. What do you think?
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APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER


NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.


NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________
DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______



Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: ____________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married __________________________________

If less than your age, explain___________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________





ACCESSORIES SECTION:


A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No

pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?


(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)




ESSAY SECTION:


In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________



In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________



In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________





REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:



Father? _____________
Mother? _____________

Pastor? _____________





SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:


Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.


A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
______________________________________________________________



B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
______________________________________________________________



C: A woman's place is in the:
______________________________________________________________



D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
______________________________________________________________



E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________
______________________________________________________________



F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
______________________________________________________________



F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________


I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.




_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


___________________ ________________________________

Mother's Signature Father's Signature


___________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Bishop State Representative/Congressman


Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.


You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call, Text or attempt to contact my daughter on Facebook (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)